Admore Tshuma Work - My First Day of College

My first day at college

My first day at college, a day i don't think I'll forget for a long time. The mystery, the wonder and feeling of not knowing what was in store for today and the next potentially two years of my life. Despite all this, i had a bad feeling in my gut though, would i have to communicate with others, am i going to need to stand up in front of everyone and perform something embarrassing, or even have to get into a team of complete random strangers to me. As a person i am very quiet, i keep to myself and although i have my own thoughts and mind about very thing and everyone, i don't like to portray them vocally or emotionally. At least this written piece will hopefully get some home truths out, i suppose.

9AM, after waiting outside my class eagerly, being the first one there by a long shot, others started arriving, all unfamiliar faces and people i didn't know. My heart sank, no one to call my friend or anyone i remotely knew at all... I guess this course will just be me as the silent observer i always am, keeping my thoughts to myself. We all enter the class in which i hurry in first, choosing a seat right next to the door of the class room as a sort of comfort measure i guess you could call it. Again i look around, nope, nobody, no one i knew was here at all. But i suppose that's what you get when you're nearly 19 and everyone in your class is practically fresh from highschool over the summer. 

Instantly i felt nervous and scared around all the new faces i was with, everyone else seemed fine though. They already had friends, people to talk to and laugh with, i was just an odd one out. In the back of my mind the whole first period, the horrible feeling of having to spend a 2 hour lunch break all alone with no money for any food grew on me, i was lost for words and just followed instructions given the whole time. I guess i was comparable to a robot, no emotions on the outside, mechanically ticking and working away as we as class took down notes on what we were being taught but on the inside feeling trapped, lost and scared of having to now finally man up and overcome the fear of being out in real world now.

Debbie, our teacher asked us a question "Who here has used Indesign before and when?" No one raised their hand but me, i flourished red in the face after expecting at least someone else other than just me creaking their hand up nervously. I told her and the class i had used it in GCSE Media for creating a magazine as one of our units. My voice shattered as i spoke, nervously slurring the words out of my in an attempt to keep my cool. No one said anything about me and what i said other than receiving a response from our tutor but i didn't expect anything. It still makes me wonder what my peers and now friends thought of me at first glance and hearing my mouth open with actual words coming out for the time.

Next lesson was just a repeat of the first, not by content, we were learning about vector files and Illustrator apposed to Indesign and document layout. But it was the same as in the events which happened. Another question fired at the class "Who knows what a vector file is?" Again, i raise my hand in confidence everyone else around me knows too right? Right?! Nope... Anxiously looking around as all of the unlifted arms sit peacefully, I tell Dan, our tutor and the class a vector file is a mathematical equation. I didn't blush this time or stutter, my mind was already fixated on what i wanted to achieve and that was finishing this course and hopefully one day making a living for myself doing what i love, creating and publishing small booklets and magazines as well as writing. My mind is good at doing that you see, if i want to i can completely forget about everything else going on in my head, push the hyper drive button and chug myself down the train tracks of focus and determination whilst blowing steam bigger than mountains as i go along, my fingers working away along the keys. 

 Lunch time, everyone started packing in which i sighed, logging out of my computer and collecting my bag from the floor. I stood up, watching everyone else laugh and smile around me before stumbling my way out the class room, down the stairs and into the town by myself. I walked around endlessly, lost in what i should do, i couldn't exactly eat anything could i? I stopped off at multiple shops, just to browse and kill time as well as tried to cool down from the red hot face i had all day from the insufferable amount of travelling by foot just to get to the college this morning. In retrospect i guess lunch didn't take too long to be over and done with. ...I guess, once again i climb the stairs to the third floor, out of breath because of how unhealthy i am and awaited outside my classroom in the hallway alone. Part of me was really not enjoying this course because of my loneliness but the other half was pushing me to just do it, get the course done so i can move onto bigger and better things. 

2PM, only 3 hours to go till i can go home. ...Alone, by myself. Yes, even the thought of returning home upset me at this point. Everything was so new to me and now i was placed a mile away from home with people i had never known before and was expected to just fit in and get along with everyone. At least in my head i felt like i was meant to. Our tutor for third period, Steve seemed friendly and introduced himself nicely, but then dropped one bombshell which had everyone scrambling for their pens and paper. "I'm going to talk to you about my career in journalism and how i got here today and i want you all to take notes for later". Straight away, like a tidal wave he started, all our pens touched the surface, scribbling down and frantically writing up what he was saying. 

...And saying, and saying, aaaannd saying. 8 pages of notes i scribbled down, my hand aching and worn out as i rested it onto the desk now with a slight headache and drowsiness about it. Well if it could get worse it just did then, now i had a headache on top of everything else today. Just great! 

Luckily it all came to a close and end though soon enough and i could leave for the day to return home and straight into bed to relive the same broken record the next day. A lot has changed since that first day and i think its important that whilst i kept my thoughts about individual people not present, i was quick to judge and dismiss them as never having a compatible friendship but to this day now i think it stands that i don't dislike anyone or think negatively about anyone and would be happy and proud to call them my class mates and friends.